Let's talk

I've had some responses to a recent post that we need to view, so why not post them.

This is one that was sent to me by a male reader (and yes it was in all caps):
I TRIED TO POST ON YOUR BLOG BUT I GUESS IT DIDN'T ACCEPT MY COMMENT WHICH IS ... MEN FIND WIVES INTOLERABLE WHO ARE SELF CONSUMED,SHALLOW, SELF CENTERED, BORING WITH A DAY CARE VOCABULARY, WHINNY,NAGGING, CONSTANTLY COMPLAINING, WHO HAVE BEEN OVERINDULGED,AND CUDDLED/PAMPERED THEIR ENTIRE LIVES INCLUDING THEIR OWN PRENATAL LIFE. I KNOW I DO.

Hmmm....Definitely some strong opinions from this borderline hostile reader. If I am understanding this correctly, he is saying that men want their wives to be independent, interesting and constantly challenging themselves on an intellectual level. In his own way, he is simply reiterating what we as mothers are trying to work on. Thank you reader for affirming our desires and concerns.

A mother writes:

I started reading your blog sometime last year after our mutual dear friend told me about it. You could not have hit closer to home with your latest post. I was just thinking the other night that I have noticed a serious decline in phone calls and social invitations since having Henry. For a while I attributed it to people being polite and respectful of me being a new mom but now I'm realizing it's because I'm not as interesting as I once was.

Dear Reader,

Thanks for reading, I'd love to meet you someday when we go back down south. Until then, we'll have to correspond via blog. I don't think you've become less interesting, you've probably just had to put some of your interesting qualities on hold while raising a baby (which is beyond a full-time job). Kudos for realizing that you don't necessarily like the road your going down and wanting to do something about it. It takes some Moms twenty years to realize that after their children are in college, their alone at home and they don't know who exactly who they are apart from being a mother. I encourage you to think about what excites you and pursue it (whether it is religion, exercise, cooking, reading, staying up on politics, etc.). And be open to the fact that what once excited you before Henry may not excite you now. You may have changed. For example, I used to love reading news magazine The Economist pre-children, yet the reality is, I am so worn out by the end of the day that I can barely read beyond a fifth-grade vocabulary, so that interest is just going to have remain on hold until I have more energy (although somehow I do manage to complete an entire US Weekly in under one hour). Thanks for writing!

Another mother writes:

I am a reader of your blog and came across this entry. I have to admit it did make me chuckle to myself because it is so true. Child etiquette question #1:If we are having a play group and my friends start in on the labor stories, how do I politely redirect the conversation? What do I do if I get a blank stare when discussing my dream of ... (something interesting)?Please respond ASAP. ... mom desperate for adult conversation

Dear "Mom desperate for adult conversation,"

Thanks so much for writing. It's a relief to know that we mothers are not alone and that there are other ladies out there that feel the same way as us. And while I am certainly not the expert on child etiquette (although who can not love THE rules of Etiquette by Emily Post), I would love to walk you through this. Before redirecting a conversation in a playgroup, you first need to assess the other members of the group. Who are these ladies? Where are they from? What do you know about them? Are you aware of any other interests that they have besides those two topics? Once you have assessed this information, you can then tactfully and subtly maneuver the conversation into another subject.

For example, I didn't know a single mother in the playgroup I attended last week. I quietly joined the group and let the other women guide the conversation. I realized the ladies were pairing into two groups: the American mothers and the International mothers. After quickly tiring of the American mothers discussing labor, in-laws, etc. I subtly engaged myself with the International mothers, asking them questions such as where they are from, how long they have been here, etc. Once I felt like I knew a little about them, I wasted no time moving into one of my favorite topics, food. We talked about what they cooked for dinner, their favorite local supermarkets and instantly I was interested and engaged. Not only did we talk about light topics like food, I also learned more about the Indian culture. For that moment, I was able to see beyond the laundry, cooking, dishes, diapers, and other tedious daily tasks to a totally different world. It was fascinating and left me walking away from the playgroup energized and curious. Now THAT is a satisfying playgroup!

So reader, I encourage you to do the same...assess the mothers and start inquiring into things they know about and are interested in sharing beyond the two topics. Remember, behind every Mom is a woman who has dreams, interests, hobbies, etc....sometime it just takes a little effort to find them.